Go Again

I have been thinking recently about this whole idea of how I give up on people too quickly (typically in a conflict or difficult conversations).

I don’t choose to stay in the conversation long enough to connect with the person I are talking with.

And isn’t it all about connection anyways?

Often, the conversation and the other person don’t show up the way I’d like them to, and so I get frustrated, judgmental, start complaining (maybe even whining) and want to quit (on myself and the other person).

Rather than connecting.

Rather than realizing my perception isn’t the only perception out there (yes, I know!), and being able to set my “reality” aside, shifting my way of being, and focusing on connecting with the person I am conflicting/seeking to connect with.

What would it cost? Me caring enough about the other person to connect to them At All Costs.

Next time you feel yourself frustrated at someone, ask yourself on a scale from 1-10: How connected are you to the person in that moment. Then go again. Try something new. Go again until you connect.

Reality Illusion

In life, I realize how often I get stuck in my own reality illusion.

Reality Illusion: the belief that my perception/perspective on the world is the only one (and therefore the correct one) {if someone else’s perspective conflicts with mine, they are wrong and must fit into my world} [except when they don't]

Insert Conflict

Because there is this problem. There are all these other people in the world.

And they all have realities that are showing up for them.

We all do.

So then what?

My thought is that so often, I notice in my life that a LOT of frustration comes when I get completely stuck in my reality illusion. And if I don’t get out of it by seeking to understand where others are coming from, I proceed to get way off track.

My encouragement to you is to really focus on seeing the world from the viewpoints of others. Once you get clear about where someone else is coming from, I am convinced that the level of your connection with them will rise greatly. And your frustration with the world will diminish.

And when you mess up or miss it; ask forgiveness and then go again.

Oh yeah, and don’t take yourself too seriously. Enjoy life. Go again.

An Incredible Resource

I wrote 2 blogs about curiosity a few months back. See them here. http://davegerber.blogspot.com/2011/04/set-your-camera-down.html


I wanted to write a few more thoughts I had.

In my experience, curiosity can be described in a number of ways, all of which can prove to be resourceful to someone seeking an unprecedented future.

The approach I want to look at today deals with looking at curiosity in terms of interrupting one’s judgements about oneself and the world around him/her.

As humans, we are meaning making machines. Our mind seeks to make sense out of the world we are living in.

And so an event occurs: someone cuts us off, a friend betrays us, we say something to someone that we realize we should not have.

And then we make assessments or judgments around the events. If someone cuts us off, we think, “You jerk, what is wrong with you!” Without stopping to think that there may be a good reason that person cut you off. (There might not be a good reason, but we have pretty much covered that possibility by flipping the person off and swearing out the window, as if they care.) Perhaps, it is a soon-to-be first time father driving his wife to the hospital as she is in the middle of labor…

It is probably not, but it might be.

A friend betrays us. We perhaps think negative things about her. Without getting clarity on the entire story. Perhaps there is more going on than meets the eye, and if we checked in with her some things might open up.

Curiosity provides us with the ability to interrupt our judgements. To be curious as to why the person is cutting us off or in a hurry, why our friend betrayed us, or why we are so judgmental of ourselves. Curiosity allows us to as “why” in a way that communicates that we truly want clarity on the situation and then can alter our response from there.

Curiosity is one of the most resourceful elements that life has provided me.

Start by noticing your assessments, then start a thought with “I’m curious as to…”

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