I have been thinking about this idea of forecasting lately.
About how the decisions we make today get us to tomorrow and eventually to 10 years from now.
If you made the decisions you will make today and each day for the next 5-10 years, do you know where they would take you?
If you approach the world a certain way today and each day for the next 5-10 years, are you aware of where that would get you?
Have you thought about the long term results that will be brought about by what you give to others (or don’t give) today?
When you see that person you are becoming in 5-10 years, do you like him or her?
What things would you change?
You may want to start today.
Annie Dillard wrote, “How we spend our days, is, of course, how we spend our lives.”
“Can I ask you a coaching type question?” My friend asked me as we driving across the Golden Gate Bridge.
I responded “Of course!” as I love deep conversation.
He said that he was struggling being a negative person. “I see the world more pessimistically and I feel like I am bringing my friends down.”
In that, I noticed something that he was unaware of that was holding him back.
I noticed that his comment about him being negative had a couple of implications.
1. His statement was definitive “I see the world pessimistically.” (what is concealed is that he is not responsible for his choice to be pessimistic).
2. Pessimistic or Negative are un-investigated conversations. They are intentionally concealed in being vague and used as way to justify one’s fears and worries, etc.
So I shared my thoughts with him towards the angle that he has a choice in the matter. He is not confined to being negative. It’s a choice.
Once we “unconceal” our conversation by investigating it with curiosity, we can expose our thoughts and then alter them if we so choose.
Curiosity is the ability to see life through the camera lens of another person’s “first person” view.
The choice to care about a person enough to set down your camera for a moment and see life as it is showing up for them.
1) When is the last time, in the midst of conflict or disagreement, you took a moment, paused, and were authentically curious about the experience the other person was having?
What would happen if you set your camera down?
What would happen if you responded saying “help me understand where you are coming from, I genuinely want to know…”
2) When was the last time you were curious about the thoughts in your own mind? Dan Tocchini writes, “are you curious from the inside out?”
I wonder what might happen if we were all truly curious.
I challenge you to take one hour today and just. be. curious.
We are always setting the world up in a particular way.
And often we are disconnected from just how we are setting the world up.
For example, if I consistently avoid conflicts, I am setting up the world in a way that conflict is scary. And I am setting up the world in a way that deep relationships aren’t meaningful to me (since deep relationships are forged through conflict). I’m setting things up and communicating to others that they aren’t worth me getting out of my comfort zone to love them and work through issues. Etc.
And along with that, we are setting the world up to relate to ourselves in a certain way. In the example about conflict, if I avoid it, I’m setting up things in such a way that I am weak, cannot hold my own, allowing my fear to guide me rather than my love.
We are always setting the world up in a certain way. And that system is creating results.
If I don’t like the results, I’ve got to make some shifts in the system.
Being vulnerable has this incredible capacity to invite vulnerability from others, thereby creating freedom for them.
I don’t know why vulnerability exactly creates freedom. Something about just being connected to others and sharing with others – even the parts of us that we aren’t so sure about.
Reminds of the Mother Theresa quote “We don’t have peace because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.”
Perhaps in our vulnerability is when we find each other again.
And we invite others to belong with us.
We all experience disappointment at some points in our lives.
So, what are some thoughts to handle it in the most resourceful way possible?
It is important to know that disappointment is not a bad thing. It could mean a number of things. It could mean that your expectations were not met. It could also mean that you went for something bigger than yourself and missed it. Or it could mean that someone else let you down.
No matter what, disappointment is not a “bad” thing. What if we were able to look at disappointment without judging it? What resource could it provide?
I think there are 2 primary ways to go with this:
1. From now on, set clear expectations with yourself and others. This doesn’t mean you won’t be let down, but it significantly decreases the chances.
2. Keep taking risks. I think when we are going after the life we dream of, disappointment can be paralyzing at times. We must reconnect with the “why” behind our dreams and then find a way to get back on track.
What do you think? Feel free to share thoughts or questions in the comments section.
Great people use their voice to call out the voices of others.
They do not sit around hoping to hit the destiny lottery, simply hope to get rich or famous, nor think only of themselves.
Because they know those things are in the end, empty.
Great people break down every obstacle necessary to help you find your voice and live your destiny.
Have you paused today to consider whose voice you could call out today?